A Letter to Your Wife to Save Your Marriage

A Letter to Your Wife to Save Your Marriage photo

When was the last time you remembered romance in our cynical twenty-first century? When did you last give your wife flowers, light candles, or write her letters? Yes, yes—letters! That’s right! In family therapy, psychologists recommend writing letters to your wife as one of the most significant and effective methods to resolve conflicts. Simply put, writing a letter for someone to read is a very constructive way to deescalate and solve conflicts. It’s unfortunate that, today, this method is often mistaken for being behind the times. We tend to limit ourselves to using text messages, e-mails, and applications such as Viber and WhatsApp. In the twentieth century, it was customary to write letters for any reason: to invite a person for dinner, to talk with him about work, to inform him of a visit, and to express feelings to the person in general.

Why is writing a letter effective? Well, this method has a large range of advantages:

  • A letter may help you better express your feelings. From the moment you start writing, you begin to concentrate, emotions recede, and you can express exactly what you intend to. Conversely, if you decide to apologize in conversation, it is quite possible that you will begin to stumble due to nervousness. If this occurs, you will be unable to express your key ideas to your spouse.
  • A letter is an ideal method of reconciliation for hot-headed people who recall the cause of the conflict and start to seethe at the moment they begin to apologize. Moreover, if you verbally apologize, be ready for criticism from your wife. It is also possible that your attempt to apologize and fix the situation will erupt into a new conflict.
  • A letter can always be rewritten. If you make a bad choice of words or decide you want to say something completely different, you can always turn the page and start a new letter to your spouse from scratch. As you know, you cannot do that when you verbalize it.

Please watch this video, before you continue reading:

How to write a reconciliation letter to your wife:

  • Do it with love. Since you want to reconcile a conflict, be sure not to provoke a new one.
  • Explain to your wife that you are fretting over the quarrel just as she is, and you miss her. You can also mention that a quarrel is time misspent dwelling on a matter of principle; instead, you could be making love or having dinner together. In a word, you could spend your time doing something of greater benefit to your relationship.
  • Example: My dear, I do not want to quarrel with you anymore because you are very important to me. Our fight has left me with a bad aftertaste because I believe that these quarrels only cripple our marriage. As a man, I do not want to allow this to happen. Therefore, I am asking you to please forget about our past conflict and recall that we have an interesting past, but most importantly, a wonderful future together. We love each other, and we must not allow circumstances to break our strong union…
  • Do not recall the causes of your conflict; let bygones be bygones. Forget about the problem because, in any case, you’ll eventually solve it. You’ll be better able to solve it once your emotions stop hindering you from objectively evaluating the situation and thinking rationally.
  • Do not blame your spouse in the conflict. Remember that, in all cases of conflict among couples, both are guilty. Thus, there is no need to return to what caused your quarrel, and even less reason to place blame on your spouse. If you adhere to this tip, she should see that you are interested in solving the problem rather than finding who is at fault. Instead of placing blame, write about yourself and your feelings.

Example: Darling, I could not sleep after we quarreled because I realized that I hurt you instead of bringing you happiness and joy. While it was unpleasant for me to hear your reproaches, I can see that our issues of principle and emotions inhibit us from talking through and resolving the conflict. If we clearly examine the situation, then we`ll see that we quarreled due to a mere misunderstanding. This misunderstanding is clearly not worth fighting over and further isolating ourselves. Even more so, it is not worth the nerves spent, both yours and mine. With this in mind, I take a step towards you, and I will wait for one from you in return, as you are very dear to me.

  • You should not only state the main point of conflict, but also make sure to offer a solution to it. You may need to forget about it, negotiate over it, temporarily erase it from memory, or wait for your hurt feelings to pass before you can carefully consider how to solve the conflict. In short, show your wife that you are making an effort to quickly resolve the conflict and put it behind you.
  • Be sure to adhere to this important step: “flavor” the letter with an unusual poem. You may compose it for her, or find one from the internet that’s best suited to your spouse’s temperament. This will add an even greater element of romance to your letter. Your wife will immediately realize that you have spent a great deal of time and effort writing this letter, all the while, thinking of her.
  • Finally, re-read your letter before sending it. Check whether you accurately expressed the thoughts you wanted to communicate. Will she understand what you wrote? Although you are not a professional journalist, you should still be able to put your thoughts on paper in a correct manner and write from your heart. Rest assured that your wife will recognize and appreciate this.

Lastly, let’s revisit and summarize the above instructions: you can write a letter to your wife to save your marriage. What are the secrets to a good letter?

    1. Write a letter from your heart even if it will look a bit scattered.
    2. Write about your feelings and regrets. You should neither blame your wife for anything nor look for a guilty person in the conflict.
    3. Write with love.
    4. Suggest your methods for resolving the conflict in the letter.
    5. Spice it up by adding a few poems to the letter.
    6. Re-read your letter several times before sending it to your wife – this is a very important step!

If you’ve correctly followed the above steps, she will definitely understand how much she means to you when she receives the letter. After you’ve resolved the initial conflict with your letter, it is time to move on to decisive actions. Which decisive actions are we referring to? You’ll find out soon in another article on our website!

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